The Scout Report

Earth Day: 4.22.07

Happy Earth Day 2007, or as it's called at The Scout Report headquarters, Fiddling While Rome Burns. Before the accusations of cynicism start pouring in, let it be known that TSR is all for increasing public awareness about how the lack of public awareness and, therefore, public concern has created the environmental pickle we're in today. However, the band-wagon jumping of the past week by the mainstream media has been a cringe-inducing study in collective fiddling. Even the cynics at TSR welled up a little in frustration. The message seems to be: Buy a canvas shopping bag, eat some organic chocolate, wear bamboo bloomers, and save the planet.

Revealing digression. Every consumer-driven publication is vying for eco-cred, including Conde Nast's Vanity Fair and Domino. Of course, their green issues are printed on paper, but they are, after all, glossy print publications. Wallpaper*, the "International Design Interiors Fashion Travel" magazine with the cool covers, has undertaken a experiment this month called EcoEdit. An all-electronic supplement, it features glamorous, yet environmentally friendly, designs from around the world. Of course, being Wallpaper*, its creative minds upped the ante for eco-cred by presenting the exclusively visual content without benefit of photography. (You can't get away with that but once.) "Rather than flying the designs [sic] around the world, or sending photographers off to shoot them, we have chosen to represent them with these stunning illustrations instead." Frankly, the illustrations by Hort are stunning. Wallpaper* gives good fiddle this month.

For those who are serious and wonkish but have short attention spans, we refer you to The Week, which is publishing this week's magazine in an electronic version only...for this week only. For a brief briefing on climatic change, read "Global Warming: The high-tech solution." It doesn't take but a minute, and you'll have plenty of time to shop for unbleached, linen, shower curtains and buy the Lexis RX Hybrid.

Controlled tangent. Wikipedia, that useful, prudent, and free online encyclopedia, is not usually associated with humor and irony, so we assume that the presence of both in its Earth Day coverage is unintentional. "The first Earth Day is commonly credited with creating environmentalism, and/or giving a tremendous boost to the pre-existing conservation groups and the relatively new and radical grassroots ecology movement, as well as spurring the growth of environmentally sensitive spiritual paths such as Wicca and Neopaganism." TSR hadn't realized that these movements had taken off since 1970. We can hear the Geico caveman saying, "What?"

Jarring juxtaposition. Just when we thought we'd gotten too cynical, TSR visited the official Earth Day portal of the U.S. government, and realized we just can't keep up. For instance, consider the introduction's stunning inanity: "Earth Day is a time to celebrate gains we have made and create new visions to accelerate environmental progress. Earth Day is a time to unite around new actions. Earth Day and every day is a time to act to protect our planet." On the other hand, the site offers original and innovative advise: save energy, use less water, and recycle. Boy, that'll keep the polar bears in ice caps for generations to come. For a reality check, read how the Bush Administration tried to muzzle NASA's chief climate scientist when he tried to speak out about global warming.

Miracle?: 3.30.07

Filed by Mrs. James Peregrine Leger-Demain, IV
The Scout Report's Hamptons Bureau Chief and Advocatus Diaboli

Aix-en-Province, France. Sister Marie-Simon-Pierre claims to have been cured of Parkinson's Disease from beyond the grave by Pope John Paul II, who also suffered from the degenerative neurological disease. Her rattles stopped after Sister Marie prayed to the pontiff during a sleepless night on her straw mat. A "voice" instructed her to write the late pope's name on a piece of paper. When she responded, she was able to write with a steady hand. Praise the Lord! It's a miracle, which is defined as a healing that is permanent and defies medical explanation. In secular circles, this is often called a myth, legend, or astonishing coincidence.

Revealing digression. In order to beatify John Paul II, the Vatican needs evidence of miracles he performed. Church authorities will now determine whether the nun's healing constitutes a proper miracle after reviewing her medical records. More information about this "believe it or not" story can be read in Totus Tuus, a bulletin devoted to the canonization of John Paul II.

To beatify or not to beatify is at the sole discretion of the reigning pontiff, Benedict XVI. It has been reported that the Holy Father did not approve of his predecessor's liberal beatification policies, but he waived the five-year waiting period before the canonization process can begin and placed John Paul II on the fact-track to  sainthood.

Controlled tangent. The last religious icon to get on the fast-track to sainthood was Mother Teresa, who died in 1997. She's been residing in the beatified zone since 2001, awaiting discovery of another miracle to qualify her for canonization. The only miracle this reporter sees is the one in which a person can win the Nobel Peace Prize for running a Dickensian orphanage, forcing conversions to Catholicism, and accepting donations from the likes of the ruthless Duvalier family of Haiti. Christopher Hitchens chronicles Mother Teresa's "good works" in his incendiary expose, Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice.

Jarring juxtaposition. Boxing promoter Don King got a front-row seat at a general audience with Benedict XVI in March at St. Peter's Square. King, who served four years in prison for manslaughter, was able to hand the pontiff a gift of a gold and green boxing belt, apparently unaware that green is not a papal color. "It was a deep spiritual experience," King said.