"Sekurrity!" squealed Jeté. She had just been read an article in the New York Times by Kristen Shaughnessy on NY1, from which she gleaned (after watching it several times) that Woolrich—inventors of loden fabric (the coarse, oily wool of mountain sheep)—was softening its image by introducing the Woolrich Elite Series, featuring the Elite Concealed Carry Chino. As the company boasts, "This pant is ideal for situations where discretion is important." Jeté, confused by "discretion" (a word she thought she had made up), now thought she was the victim of industrial espionage. After all, she is The Scout Report's stylist, the one who created the company's signature fashion strategy—sturdy, covert, and moisture-wicking. "I don't think it's a co-inky-dink that this company is using the same details my seamstresses use—secret pocket for handgun, comfy elastic waistband to accommodate holster, and other hidden pockets for knives and whatnot," Jeté lamented. TSR has lawyered up.
Revealing digression. In 2007, TSR Board of Directors voted to issue a TASER C2 to each employee after learning that many of them spend a great deal of time alone in underground garages in the middle of the night. While it's true Tasers are not handguns, they build confidence in beginners as they don't require any skill. "Tasering 101" is the introductory course in TSR's Defense Without Consequence (DWC) curriculum. Staff members who master the TASER C2 advance to the next level and learn "How Not to Shoot Your Eye Out" with the Official Red Ryder, Carbine-Action, 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, taught sans ironie by Dick "Dead Eye" Cheney.
Controlled tangent. TSR has had a group membership in the NRA for decades. As a matter of fact, it was TSR's Chief of Protocol Enforcement and Defenestration, Mrs. James Peregrine Leger-Demain IV, who convinced the lock-and-load lobby to invite her ersatz fiancé Charlton Heston (above) to be its spokes-fossil. Hessie, as Mrs. IV fondly called him, never "conceal-carried" his gladness to see her. Everyone at TSR misses just how glad he could get.